purely unmotivated

if i had bags of cash i will go around the world with sarah from place to place, until i found the one that i love the most and live there and try all kinds of fruits juices and drugs. and still have bags of cash. no fucking worries. better be cats or dead when thinking bout pricetags of basic necessities just give you heartache. i'm too young for all this. now i wish i could shrink and curl up inside the womb and vanish to nothing. second is bullet through my brain but i don't wanna end up in flames for eternity #muslimdilemma

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survive

we've all been sorry we've all been hurt

but how we survive

that's what makes us who we are

-Tim McIlrath

i have two little brothers

I have two little brothers.
One almost taller than me.
One I can lift with ease.
Both I've known for life,
but not anything beneath.

And if you ask me about my brothers,
I can tell you everything.
One almost taller than me.
One I can lift with ease.
Both I never know more,
for anything lies beneath

And if you ask them about me,
they can tell you everything.
He's almost shorter than me.
He can lift me with ease.
But we never know more,
for anything lies beneath.

the lonely

I throw myself into the river and
I drown cause I can't swim.

My body floats to the sea but
My filth will climb the stream.

I sink myself into the dusk and
I come as I watch you swim.

Your guts float to the sea but
No one will hear you scream.

passing constellations

Million years from tonight,
the question of
"how long would I love you?"
won't matter much.
Such insignificant utterance
when we're nothing
but disintegrated bodies,
long extinguished neural sparks,
and remains dissected to molecules.
It wont matter-
as passion will stay
even when Gaia swallowed whole,
and all nine are now debris.
As mine will ascend
to the constellations high in its mighty propulsion.
Circumambulating existences,
and trading bedtime stories with fellow deities.
In a backdrop of cosmic colours, eternal celebration
of the ageing universe.
A testament to the once living,
that love is immortal.

i stand and look at myself

I stand and look at myself.
I got two hands. I got two feet.
There's nothing on me which is incomplete.
So I tell myself,
there's no one to be blamed but me
if I never succeed.

to now absent

When he hits, he hits hard.
In your vein, in your blood.
Fuck it burns, it hurts so bad.
Still it's best you ever had.

In sleep you chant his name,
But he's never to be tamed.
Desperate you knock on his door,
Though you've said, not anymore.

Conversation turns to yell.
There's nothing you wouldn't sell.
Chained, he drag your desire
to the great depth of hellfire.

You're motionless on front row.
Pure disaster made a show.
Promised to change the world.
Now you're deep in chemicals.

hard to be blind

Hard to see
what is precious
when life swings too fast,
hard to grab
when you're blind.
Can't perceive its shape
its size and weight
for the very last time
and you missed it again,
again, and again.

life is full of strangers

Life is full of strangers,
and stories haven't told.
But if strangers are one we knew for years
we're missing life unfold.

To hands we hold on,
may it be there till death.
If unlucky you'll spent your last years alone.
If lucky you'll share your wealth.

Its hard to please the eye.
Its harder to please the soul.
But one we cried when we say goodbye,
is one we miss when we're old.

Life is full of strangers
and people worth dying for.
If lucky you'll be sent in blankets of tears.
If unlucky you'll be heard no more.

worth while

by Ella Wheeler Wilcox





It is easy enough to be pleasant
  When life flows by like a song,
But the man worth while is the one who will smile
  When everything goes dead wrong.
For the test of the heart is trouble,
  And it always comes with the years,
And the smile that is worth the praises of earth
  Is the smile that shines through tears.

It is easy enough to be prudent
   When nothing tempts you to stray,
When without or within no voice of sin
   Is luring your soul away;
But it’s only a negative virtue
   Until it is tried by fire,
And the life that is worth the honour on earth
   Is the one that resists desire.

By the cynic, the sad, the fallen,
   Who had no strength for the strife,
The world’s highway is cumbered to-day—
   They make up the sum of life;
But the virtue that conquers passion,
   And the sorrow that hides in a smile—
It is these that are worth the homage on earth,
   For we find them but once in a while.

for sarah

I wish I met you when we were younger.

I wish I know you when we were kids.

We can build sandcastles together.

Laughing endlessly in sunset at the beach. 

I wish you're my childhood friend,

but we both know its impossible.

Kids in your school are so lucky.

They get to grow up with you.

Get to see you since you're tiny.

And I'll never get the chance to

I always wish for that 11 years, 

but we both know its impossible.

And its impossible to explain,

yet so foreign you're so familiar.

Though we've never met from the start,

but I've known you since forever.

I know you're the one I've been waiting.

The reason I write this song.

The one that kept me awake at night,

for the moments I've missed all along.

I always wish i met you earlier,

and i pray that this is eternal.

I wish we'll be forever a wonder,

and make it through the impossible.

I give you my life, my past, and my future.

Hold on tight till my bones crumble.