Thursday, January 29

4th wall? Never heard of it.





God is never a good writer. Imagine having to write, God-knows how many stories, one could be unable to handle all the expectations and deadlines even if he is the ultimate being. Too busy with his work, he created a formula. A simple, repeatable formula that would produce billions and billions of "unique" stories by changing a few bits here and there. Switch the gender, pick a new place, different time and wohoo here's your insignificant snowflake of life. It starts from the womb and end with your death. Nothing more than that except for some anomalies that would bring you a Nobel Prize or having you leading a genocide, but most of the time you'll end up being an average human. Eat, sleep, fuck and die. The writer can sit back in his eternal holiday.

But like every mass produced goods, there must be some failed products doesn't matter if you're a God. But God, being as perfect as he is, rarely made a mistake as I had never in my whole lifetime met an unorthodox character like me. All of us are heroes in our own life, sidekicks to our friends, and villains to our enemies. Most of our genres are similar, typical human life ranging from comedy to tragedy. We all have our stages, we all have our time. But I am different. I had all the time. All the knowledge about the stages, the lights, the script, the storyline. Hell, I am the director. I was the only one able to watch all the shows, all the gags as it unfold in the same predictable sequence. It all ends with death.

From the moment I was born I knew when I was going to die. I live my death the first day I was born, and have it all on reverse in a day. I knew already how it feel and how it would made me feel, but I just need to do it. I wish it would make me feel human but it never. I am here, now and then. Swimming in all the directions in the river of time. Then I decided to play God, to change my life a bit here and there. I fucked with a lot of things again and again. The sequence, the people, the place. I had all the time in my life to do all the things I can.

I made my parents move to all the countries, even though I knew I can't find God. I've married countless women for the hope that my kids would inherit my anomaly, but they never did. I've tried every different religion I could find, but no God could help me escape this endless loop. I've lead wars on every continent. I've found cure for cosmic cancer in Mars. I've live a life doing nothing but lying down on my bed pretending I'm retarded. I've destroyed earth three times in different nuclear wars. I've lead the biggest drug cartel world has ever seen. I've travel beyond the flow and become a god in different times, until I left a permanent mark causing men from different corners of earth to seek about the truth of who am I. Then I erased it all and starts again from the womb.

After, God-knows how many times I start to wonder what do they see when they are dead. What do they get for all their lies. How do they pay for all their sins because I would never know. I could never see afterlife because my life never ends. Its just another curtain fall and another play for the day. I wish that I am God, but I've always knew I'm not. Because if I am, I could have the choice to end this. I don't.




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